A Simple Rant About Body Image...Or The Realisation That I Don't Think I Like Meghan Trainor Much.

I know 'Anaconda' and 'All About That Bass' have both been out for a while, but I was thinking about them this morning after listening to the latter on my daily drive to work...two words that caught my attention more than normal this morning were 'skinny bitches.' Skinny. Bitches. It went round and round my head. What an absolutely awful thing to say about someone. And it's in both songs. Skinny bitches.

I'm not skinny, never have been - never will be with the amount of alcohol and carbs I consume - but I am NOT ON BOARD with the constant 'be this, be that' mentality. If you're curvy, great, but that doesn't mean you have the right to insult slim people. If you're slim, also great, but that doesn't automatically give you gains to be mean about the extra weight on some. It's not hard.

Everything about that AATB song makes me go 'eurgh' to be honest. It is NOT empowering to women because we're talking about the body-image-of-an-average-female-in-a-positive-way - it might be 'bigging up the booty', yes, but it's dissing skinny and is also generally insulting to all women in another way. It's just sending such a horrible message. This one verse sums up the whole issue I have with it:

'I'm bringing booty back

Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that
 -
No, I'm just playing. I know you think you're fat.'

Instead of coming across like 'Oh great, she knows that a lot of us are body conscious and is standing up for womenkind (choir of angels sings 'hallelujah' at this point) by singing about body image in a good way, yeah!' it just riles me because it makes me think she thinks the following, and is sending these messages:

- calling someone a bitch because they have less body fat than another is A-OKAY.

- saying 'I'm just playing' excuses an insult.

- that we're all expected to think we're fat, and that if you don't have an issue with your body then you're, what? Arrogant? 

I hate the self-righteousness of that line especially. 'I know you think you're fat.' How fucking dare you, Trainor.

I have slightly less of an issue with Nicki Minaj's song because I do feel that there's a bit of tongue in cheek when she's (literally) wailing about clubs and buns and asses and the like - the whole song is ridiculous and it knows it, but I still imagine that there are a lot of girls who were a bit like 'Hold up, Minaj - just because my arse wasn't built to twerk and isn't a bit jiggly doesn't mean you can yell 'Fuck those skinny bitches in the club' at me. Repeatedly. Cheers and all.' 

I'm not a skinny girl siding with the skinny community in this blog, I'm a slightly flabby girl who has an issue with the constant messages about what you should and shouldn't be within the conformity of society, perpetuated by the media and ourselves...sigh...

So, in short, CAN WE ALL JUST STOP BEING SO JUDGEMENTAL AND BE NICE TO EACH OTHER AND HELP BUILD EACH OTHER UP INSTEAD OF TEARING EACH OTHER DOWN, WHATEVER SIZE WE FLIPPING ARE!?

Ahem. 

Please?

CDF to LDN

I’m moving to London.

That sentence alone does the following things to me; heart palpitations, massive smile, hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach (I think that’s called nerves), giggling and an insane idea that life will generously present me with all of the answers to all of my big questions…

Where do I fit in?

What should I do?

What do I want from life?

WHAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY?!

Haha, it seems London has a lot to answer for. But, in reality, I don’t think a magical wand is going to be waved over me but I do think it’s time for change.

As I’ve mentioned before I’ve been lucky enough to work in an industry that has gifted me experience, friends, perks of the job, travel and the ability to work a 12hour day on the worlds heftiest hangover, and it’s been an amazing 6 years. I sometimes think ‘how did I end up doing this??!!’ - it’s crazy to think what I’ve been a part of and there’s so much to be proud of, which is probably why I’m ready to move on.

I’m still petrified, obvs. These nagging questions are on my mind's 3am conveyor belt.

What if I can’t get a job?

What if I don’t make new friends?

What if I just….fail?

What if I end up homeless*?!

*Slightly dramatic.

A friend of mine made the big move 3 days ago and on the day of moving I got a one line text from him which sums up exactly how I feel…. ‘OMG I AM SO SCARED!xxx’. Yes. That.

It's The End. Again.

I'm just coming to the end of a 9 month job and I've always known it, but it's really hit home this week just how much the lifestyle of working in TV is WEIRD.

We live job to job, not knowing where the next one comes from, some people travelling across Birmingham to London, Manchester to Cardiff...just for a days work. Luckily, as a Production Coordinator,  I have had a good run of longer gigs as you can't really PC for a day - there's handover and then there's HANDOVER.

We are unemployed for days or weeks at a time. And we have to be okay with this.

We can't get mortgages easily. Car insurance companies hate us.

We work over a 12 hour day, 5 days a week, making social lives tricky as hell to maintain. People.are.tired. All.the.time.

I may be speaking for myself only to be honest, but we become useless at organising our personal lives, we are allergic to replying to any form of message quickly and we exclaim 'FUCK! It was *insert friend, family, pet's name* birthday yesterday!' on a regular basis.

The thing that I am struggling most with, though, is the fact that I have spent the last 8 and a bit months of my life seeing the 4 people in my team and over 150 crew every or other day, and now, they've gone. The 150+ have just stopped being in my life and in a few weeks time the 4 who I have literally seen 5 days a week for 35 weeks will be gone. I'll be gone. We'll all just be gone. It'll be finished. Then we go on to the next production and start this process of becoming a little family with a new crew all over again. It's so weird.

I've done this for the last 7 years so it's not something new, it's just something that I'm really feeling at the moment as I've been on the same production for two years and if it goes again, I won't be a part of it. Nail on the head, that's what's making me sad...I have production FOMO. Please miss me when I'm gone.  

'If you're not losing friends, you're not growing up...'

Well, that's quite the uplifting blog title, I know, but this was a quote that was doing the rounds on the internet last week or so and it struck a chord with me. I guess I identified with it, and it kinda made me sad because it's true.

Don't get me wrong, I am lucky enough to have different friendship groups dotted around the UK and we come together for fun times (...they're all getting married, it's an epidemic), to try and pretend our nights out won't end up with a three day hangover and, most importantly, when it matters. I have best friends from school and best friends from uni but strangely, not that many where I actually live in Cardiff (here's a nod to you though, Marty, Tors and Scott). I fear I have fallen prey to the curse of moving for work - it is HARD to make friends as an adult and to keep hold of previously made friends in the process of moving away and growing up.

Am I A Feminist?

Emma Watson's speech should be historical. It should be applauded, lauded with praise and bottled, shaken and served to anyone who dares to criticise it and belittle the message the #heforshe campaign is promoting.

If you're not aware of the current feminist storm sweeping the world at the moment (where the eff have you been?), female actors and musicians are leading the 'fight' in what is one of the most important gender equality debates for a long time; it is massively in the public sector and I agree with the goal, I agree that the famous should use their public platform for speaking out that women should have the same social, political and economic rights as men - but I can't quuuuuuuuuite take that seriously when you then see these same people writhing naked for sales in their music videos - 'Yonce, Miley, I'm looking at you. I studied 'Feminism within the Media' at uni so I am au fait with the male gaze, guys ('BUT IF WE CONTROL OUR BODIES AND USE IT THE WAY WE WANT TO THEN WE'RE NOT BEING EXPLOITED!') Ahem, feminism ain't just 'bout that.

30 (NUMBER)

I've possibly had one of the best summers of my life so far and this was off the back of turning the dreaded thirty in February as a single girl - I KNOW. After the initial scraping-myself-off-of-the-floor-pre-thirty-meltdown (with the help of WhatsApp and my friends talking me through the processes of untying my shoelaces, taking my coat off and pouring a glass of wine - which are surprisingly hard to focus on in the throes of despair) I woke up on the day, toasted myself (no, really - brut for breakfast? Hello.) and decided that, really, 'what's the big deal?' and took these steps to a fantastic summer:

- Said 'Yes' -
Hen parties in different countries? Yes. Festivals? Yes. Drinks after work? Yes. Badminton? Yes. Weddings? Yes. Gigs? Yes. Rugby match with just your mates' Dad cos your mate can't make it? Yes. Dates with people not usually on your matching radar? Yes (even if they turned out to be a liiiiiittle bit psycho, YOU LEARNT). Travel abroad with work? Yes. Putting yourself in situations that test your normal boundaries? YES! My savings might've taken a bashing but the fun and experience gained is completely worth it.