Defining Masculinity

When I was eleven years old I was unaware of the structure of language and the meanings behind the words I would use every day... etymology just wasn't something they taught in relation to slang in school in ye olde Wootton Bassett. So fast forward to when I was a teen and becoming more aware of the world, aware of the different types of people that existed, to the beautiful culture of different and to the stark realisation that using certain words, which I thought were nothing, were hurtful - for instance, my understanding that using 'gay' to describe something negative was, actually, pretty damn offensive.

I wasn't aware of it at the time, obviously, it was just something everyone said, so why wouldn't I do the same? Fitting in. I hadn't grown up, and I hadn't become me. And I didn't know. I've always been curious about language - I once got sent to my room because I asked my dad what a 'wanker' was (Adam, the boy next door, called my brother it. Spot on... I jest haha.) and I was genuinely asking, but such is the way sometimes that if you don't know how to answer, then you dismiss it. (Probably easier, I guess, in the battle of parenting.) 

As an adult I'm so much more aware of the language I use and the connotations that come with it (and having learnt what the majority of swear words mean I no longer need to ask...), and this brings me to my current battle with language and the media and everyday usage of certain terms.

I cannot abide the usage of the following phrases; 'grow some balls', 'man-up' and 'be a man'. 

They are phrases detrimental to both sexes; if you're a woman and you're told to 'man-up' it's saying that you need to become the opposite gender to cope with whatever situation is being dealt to you. That you'll need to 'grow some balls' because being a man is stronger, because obviously a man is stronger than a woman so you need to 'be a man' in order to be equal, or to achieve near status, or to overcome something. Well, FUCK OFF.

If you're a man, you're being told that in order to be seen as strong, or to get through something, you have to adhere to the stereotype of masculinity that is, quite frankly, outdated - hey, guy, don't be emotional or scared right now, 'man-up', yeah, 'grow some balls' because you're not showing the right amount of testosterone and masculinity right now... 'be a man' already. YOU ARE A MAN. YOUR GENDER SAYS SO. WHAT DOES 'BEING A MAN' EVEN MEAN?

It bothers me that there are women who oppress men, there are men who oppress men, there are women who oppress women, and men who oppress women... I don't understand why more people aren't bothered by the usage of terms like this which are in every day usage, but to be honest, I can imagine a lot of people would think thinking about these things is a waste of time... but it matters. 

On the flip side, maybe it's my stereotypical outlook on what I think these terms mean - should I be attaching these aggressive ideas, of testosterone, of being 'strong' to these phrases? Maybe it's my understanding that's skewed....but sadly, I don't think it is.